Mary-Elizabeth’s Messages
RETHINKING TOUGH TIMES

There’s a way to rethink tough times so that their bites aren’t so hellish. And that’s true no matter how they come—a scary diagnosis, craziness on the world stage…

I’m not downplaying hardship but saying that we can lessen suffering by changing our focus.

I’ve mourned the young deaths of two brothers and a niece.

When the first of the deaths occurred, I was nauseated with grief but didn’t unduly suffer: I experienced divine grace that nudged me to look for the blessings in what had happened.

So look for blessings in my sorrow is what I did.

I saw that profound loss didn’t cripple me, as I suspected it would.

I saw that growing old was a privilege, and that I could still exercise mine.

Though it took some years, those insights helped me to quit a well-paid job to go forge a new career for myself, knowing that I’d live if I “failed” and lost my house.

Quitting made some things better but others worse than I’d imagined. But I kept getting the feeling that my woes were for my good. After some reflection, I agreed:

Tough times can shakes us awake and help us remember our desires.

We may want a car, but desire making a difference. And there’s nothing like tough times to help us focus on what truly matters.

When I moved to Kenya as a child, I was disturbed by poverty I saw and longed to help others live better. Giving away coins didn’t feel like the way, but I’d put my money where my heart was once I grew up, I told myself. By the time I grew up, I was a sleepwalking adult detached from what mattered to me and was lax with cash. Until I had none. Thanks to financially tough times, I got my priorities straight.

Tough times can help us handle our desires.

It’s better to fumble a little than get what you want and lose grip.

At times, my laundry money was my only money and I prayed often for a windfall of cash that never came. And thank goodness: I wasn’t ready for it. An estimated 70% of lottery winners file for bankruptcy—they get the windfall without proper preparation. Thanks to financially tough times, I started getting ready to handle money: I began appreciating it more and forming a vision about how to use it in a way that thrilled me.

Tough times can help us drop mental chains.

We can’t cling to old ideas and create better outcomes.

Until my job almost crushed my soul, I held God at a distance. My late brother, a pastoral counselor, could see that I was struggling and was wise in offering help: he didn’t point out the sorry state of my spiritual life, but simply said that I might like kabbalah, or Jewish mysticism. Times were so tough I checked it out. And got hooked. And opened up to more ideas. And put new ideas into practice and got results I liked. And I haven’t looked back.

Tough times can help us serve a broader purpose.

The hammer can shatter glass or forge metal, as the proverb goes.

A lump of clay makes a great paper weight. But by kneading it, stretching it and firing it, that lump can become a coffee cup, which can also be a paper weight. The kneading, stretching and going through the fire were part of the clay’s process for serving a broader purpose. We don’t need tough times to transform, but when they strike we can 1) complain and stay the same, or 2) call them opportunities to be reshaped and serve something more.

Tough times can help us live enjoyable lives.

Life is for enjoying, not fighting.

Here’s the tragedy:

We’re pressured into groupthink and taught to fight what we don’t want.

But when does fighting stop and living start?

Those who live by the sword, die by the sword. That doesn’t mean to ignore injustice, but to drop mental chains and learn to create lives and communities of our dreams in ways that are kinder and gentler on our minds, bodies and spirits. Tough times are great for knocking us to our knees and “helping” us drop the fight and do what feels right, whether it’s “appropriate” for our age, race, gender or other constraints put upon us.