Mary-Elizabeth’s Messages
WHY THE STORIES WE TELL OURSELVES MATTER MOST

The stories we tell ourselves matter most because they drive our outcomes:

Stories >> beliefs >> behaviors >> outcomes

Here’s what I mean:

You think you have no power to affect the kind of change you want. You think or say it so much that you start believing it. You believe it to the point where you don’t take action.

And so, …you effectively have no power to affect desired change.

But here’s where the rubber really meets the road:

Stories >> meaning >> emotions >> “emissions”

Here’s what I mean:

Life happens. We get to choose the stories we tell about it. And it’s smart to tell the best-feeling stories we can if prosperity—feeling alive—is the plan.

Plus, bad-feeling emotions can thwart our best efforts.

Emotions = Energy we feel that becomes energy we emit.

Have you ever met someone who said the right things but repelled you with their vibe? Master your emotions and don’t be that guy. And do you expect Rick James from a jazz station? No, but we do from life: put out funk and expect Blue Skies.

We reap what we sow in word, deed and energy.

Sooo…if you wanna rock ‘n’ roll, stop singing the blues and soften up.

Years ago, I asked a friend to go to a meeting with me.

I stood him up. He got angry. He found me the next day to chew me out.

Looking at this through my friend’s eyes, you might take his side.

Now let’s look at the story through mine:

I asked a friend to go to a meeting with me.

The day before the meeting, my brother was killed in an accident.

I was skipping the meeting and sent my friend a message saying so. He didn’t get it.

When he came to chew me out, I explained; immediately, his anger became sympathy.

I’m telling this story to make five points:

  1. Give people who upset you the benefit of the doubt, especially family and friends.
  2. People and events don’t cause emotions but the stories we tell about them do—a friend missing a meeting can mean different things that feel drastically different.
  3. Feeling less angry about something means that your stories about it are softening up.
  4. If you can’t soften up in one leap, commit to baby steps.
  5. Think about life in the kindest ways you can or you’re punishing yourself otherwise.

When I passed the 8-year mark as a 24/7 caregiver for my parents, and then mother, I was feeling weary and telling myself that I was as good as a workhorse.

You might think that I was justified.

I might too, but it wasn’t worth creating bad-feeling emotions in myself—which would only reap more of the same and reduce my capacity to chart a new course—to be right.

Is there a story you’re perpetrating on yourself?

As of October 2025, I’m still a caregiver for my mom but don’t indulge my workhorse story anymore. If / when I catch my mind going that way, I say to myself, “Yeah, you can think that all you want, chicky, but you’re only hurting yourself.”

Then I get back to what I’m doing, not necessarily feeling good but not tormented either.

But you should know that my stories about caregiving aren’t all glum:

Thanks to caregiving, I have a vision of how I can meaningfully contribute to society doing things I love. That was something that had eluded—and deeply troubled—me for decades.

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